just.ifying clutter 1.17.24
I will be the first to admit, throughout my life, something about clutter feels cozy to me. I grew up with grandparents that were children of the Great Depression. My grandma’s both had beautiful homes, and they hung onto knick knacks, and each had their collectibles. Their collections of Precious Moments and Hummels were special, and I loved hearing the stories about them. To me this was not clutter, but rather decorations or decor.
The trouble happened after I had my fourth and fifth child. My oldest was 10, then 7 and 5 and my littlest ones were 0 and 2. As Covid came and I was overwhelmed and dysregulated with a home full of kids of many ages, a working husband from home and home chores piling on without relief, I started to realize that I just could not keep up with the housework (or I like to call, life chores). The toys, which we had them all, were simply taking over our home and like a boiling pot of water, it started slow, but quickly got hot and bubbled that lid right off the pot. Don’t get me wrong, I still love knick knacks and the memories that come with them, but I realized that I had a very complicated relationship with clutter (the good and the bad kinds) and if I wanted to start thriving as a mother and connecting with my kids rather than harping on them about cleaning, I had to stop justifying the clutter and things getting in the way of living my best life.
I looked into moving because wouldn’t that be a great fresh start… but that wasn’t the right thing for us.
I considered adding onto our house… more space less clutter problems. But that was too expensive.
I did clean outs here and there… but it still wasn’t enough.
Why? Because I hadn’t changed my mindset yet. I kept planning a weekend warrior job of cleaning out the toys or sorting the books (my poor momma has made multiple trips here just to help with these books!), or going through my clothes and creating piles that just stayed in my closet for months because well, maybe I would wear it in the next season. My mindset was still caught up in the de-cluttering is a project not a mindset or way of life.
Now, I am sharing this not to shame anyone that has a bunch of books or stuffed closet shelves or hangs onto their 1980’s childhood Barbie collection (because guess what, that would be me.) I am sharing because if you are feeling overwhelmed as a homemaker with taking care of all of the people and things and feeling like you never have time to just sit down and play a board game or even watch a show with your kids without feeling the weight of managing all the chores and things, then we may just be in the same boat.
If you stopped by my house right now, today, this cold (snow day in fact), day at our house, you would find this. My table covered in my planning materials. Kids school work, old mail and recipes on my “junk side” of the kitchen, 3 baskets of laundry that needs folded, 3 baskets of laundry that need put away, our Christmas totes strewn across the basement floor, kids toys also all over the basement floor, 4 kids playing xbox, our Christmas tree laid out on the guest room floor just waiting to be bundled up for storage…yada yada yada, you get the idea.
Guess what?
The irony of this scenario, is that my house is a house that allows life to be lived. And I never want that to change.
Don’t shy away from actually living life in your house. A house is a space to hold, protect and nurture growth. It is not a box to cultivate shame or simple look pretty and polite. So, if your home looks like mine, or maybe even a little more “lived in”, then pat yourself on the back. Why? Because you are actually living and breathing and allowing your home to be an organic entity of your family.
But, two things can be true. And that clutter and mess that you see or feel all around, can also be a source of dysregulation to you (or others) in your home.
Since you are the leading lady of your beautiful family, you can have both. You can have a home that nurtures, protects, and holds your family in both the messy and the organized.
It has been a process, but here are a few strategies that I have been using since beginning my quest to simply our home.
Minimize the feeling of overwhelm of clean out by categorizing it. I recommend doing this by room or type of object (i.e. clothes, games, dishes etc.) Choose the way your brain finds it easiest to manage.
Be ok with doing a little at a time. I call this chunking. Chunking helps because you can accomplish a room, drawer or space in smaller amounts of time
Get rid of the stuff that you want to sell or donate in a timely manner. (I struggle with this one and the piles in my garage can also lead to anxiety that I am not getting it done). Come up with a system that gets it out of your house quickly.
Ask yourself, why do I have this? Am I holding onto this because I feel guilty getting rid of it, or am I keeping it because either a. we need it or b. it is something I want to have and it holds value in my/our life. I believe you can keep more than just things you need, but just keep in mind why you value it.
Lastly, I think about this statement. I came up with when I wanted a bigger house (which really would have justified me keeping the stuff and just moving it to a new room).
“Think inside the box, but outside the norm”
This means that think about what you have, your home, your precious family and all the gifts of the things you have inside. It may be sentimental items from your past or from loved ones. It may be more trips to Target than you’re proud of, and it may just be years of raising children and neglecting the physical space of your home. It doesn’t matter what it is… all of those reasons come from experiences that have shaped you and that’s not bad. But don’t give up on that box. That box (home) that you have is special and it is there to “keep” you and your family. AND also think outside what “normal” is. You can scroll IG and see all the beautiful homes. You can look through Pinterest or RealSimple and all of those things are great because they provide inspiration and even “how to’s”. They aren’t there to taunt you, just to inspire, but remember, your normal does not have to be anyone elses. You can find out how to minimize your things, decorate your dining room, organize your toy room, and it can be on your own terms. Pick what’s right for you.
I’m off to finally put away those Christmas bins today. I may even sort out the Christmas decor that we haven’t used in the past two years so we don’t store it another year. But I won’t feel guilty if I don’t clean the toys. Today’s declutter chunk is about getting the bins away. I can justify that and feel like I’ve taken a step toward simplifying.
